Children are expert negotiators. As a father of three impressively persuasive daughters, I know to my cost that children are masters at bargaining and winning a deal. The incredible thing is, this talent seems to be instinctive. We never teach our children these skills, they just seem to be born with an innate ability to negotiate. This month I spent a hugely rewarding two days on a negotiation course run by Bill Garcia of TableForce. The course was outstanding – easily the most useful two-day course I have ever done – but during it, I was struck by how closely the approach Bill taught us resembled the negotiating behaviour of my own daughters:

• Children know to try – the first rule of bargaining is to give it a go. As Wayne Gretzky put it, ‘you miss 100% of the shots you don’t take’. And children try better than anyone else; they do so with audacity and persistence. 5 minutes before dinner:
  • Can I have an ice cream?
  • No!
  • Can I have an ice lolly?
  • NO!
  • Can Charlotte have an ice cream and I’ll share?
  • No, No, No!

• Children know the power of the opening position. By starting big they shift the cursor of expectation and get a bigger outcome:
  • Can we go to Disneyland today?
  • Wha…? No. How would that even….?
  • Ok. Can we go to the park then?
  • Sure, whatever.

• Children know to never give without getting:
  • If I tidy my room, can I have a biscuit?
  • But you should be tidying your room anyway.
  • It will be super tidy.
  • Ok, sure…..

• Children understand the motivations of their parents and use that knowledge to manipulate (they get on our page).
  • Can I have a snack?
  • No, you’ve literally just had dinner.
  • I could have an orange – I’m really worried I haven’t had my 5-a-day today.
  • You win, have an orange.

So, the question is, if I understood all this as a child, why have I just spent time re-learning the same skills? Like almost all children I was taught that negotiating is impolite. I was told it is rude to bargain with people and, over time, I learnt to stop challenging and accept other peoples’ opening positions without question. That approach may have made for an easy life when I was schoolchild in a classroom, but in business, and indeed in adult life, it means entering every negotiation on the back foot. So, this month I spent two days learning skills that I once knew, skills that I see every day in my own children. Next time I want to clinch a deal, I’ll think like a child. Some would say that shouldn’t prove too much of a challenge.